Tag Archives: who okayed this

Dear Marie Claire, go fuck yourself.

Photo courtesy of Marie Claire via Getty Images. But wait, don't bananas make you fat?

Marie Claire would really like you to starve yourself to death. Or at least that’s how it seems from this pile of unadulterated bullshit.

“What Nutritionists Really Eat!”

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Up first, Natalia Rose:

BREAKFAST 

  • Lemon tea with fresh, raw grated ginger, a squeeze of lemon, and Stevia to taste (a natural, calorie-free sweetener), 24 fl oz — 3 calories*
  • Mountain Valley Spring Water, 16 fl oz — 0 calories

LUNCH

  • Nothing

DINNER

  • One small watermelon — 230 calories
  • Two cantaloupes — 376 calories
  • Two bananas — 200 calories
  • Smoothie (pineapple, avocado, kale, alfalfa sprouts, coconut water, mint) — 366 calories

DESSERT

  • Box of Salud macaroons, 4.5 oz — 604 calories

TOTAL DAILY CALORIES: 1,779

THIS IS TOTALLY BONKERS. No breakfast (lemon tea and water do not count) and no lunch but it’s probably because she’s saving all her calories for dinner when she pigs out on various melons!  And then for dessert, in a completely confusing twist, an entire box of macaroons. This is a picture of disordered eating, and Marie Claire presents it without comment, as if these diets are something to strive for, something to attain. Natalia Rose’s attitude towards food is clearly fucked:

“Instead of being bogged down by your meal, you should be elevated by it. I don’t use food mindlessly as a social pastime or something to do when I’m bored. It’s spiritual, and truly part of a holistic lifestyle. I believe that we take our vitality predominantly from the air, sunlight, and clean water, so I don’t take anything but this ‘life force energy’ until the sun goes down, then I enjoy nutrient-rich foods — along with others that are less so but that I enjoy anyway! Of course there are fun things to eat. But most people eat to escape their lives. A lot of us don’t realize that we don’t need to do things the normal way.”

The “normal way”  being eating food to, you know, survive? She doesn’t use food as a “social pastime,” so that means she’d be the most insufferable person ever to spend time with, and since she only eats calories after the sun goes down I have to assume that she is, in fact, some kind of vampire.

The rest of the women (obviously they’re all women) are a variation on this same theme, with some edging closer to a healthy daily intake of food, you know, the stuff that keeps us alive. Most of them have nothing but lemon water for breakfast (is there something I don’t know about lemon water? will it give me magical powers?) and then an assortment of tiny servings of tiny food throughout the rest of the day. “no more than 15 baby carrots!” “kale smoothie!” “Rainbow Light EnzyMend digestive enzyme supplement.” Sounds delicious.

This is not the first time Marie Claire has shown us an ugly side. A few months ago columnist Maura Kelly drew fire for this outrageously offensive piece about how fat people gross her out. (She updated the piece and added an apology, but  frankly, that doesn’t mean shit to me.)

The worst part of course, is that these people are nutritionists. People pay them actual money to give them nutritional guidance. But from the sounds of it, they might just be paying them to take their food away.

“Listen ladies, I know this great little weight loss retreat. It’s a rural village in Rwanda where the only source of food is rotting cabbage. You’ll go down at least two dress sizes, guaranteed!”

To publish this not only without comment but as reliable information from “experts” on the matter is flat out dangerous. People talk a lot about “body image” and “media influence” and “dying from anorexia,” but we can’t let our guard down. We can’t becomes desensitized to this kind of bullshit because the threat it presents is real. We have to remain vigilant in calling this out when we see it.

After reading this all I wanted to do was eat a piece of pizza. And if you feel the same way, go ahead and do so, in moderation, along with lots of fresh fruits and vegetables.

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Who Okayed This? (19 Kids and Counting edition)

Michelle Duggar preps the troops for Holy War.

I have spent the past five months that I haven’t been blogging developing theories on the popularity of this show.

1) People have realized that Kate Gosselin, TV’s other mother-of-many, is really mean and potentially insane. And she was on Dancing with the Stars. She was very quickly transformed from relatable-middle-class-overworked-mother to there’s-no-way-I-can-feel-bad-for-you-now-TV star. Now she’s no longer “one of us,” she’s “one of them” and she has people after her over child labour laws and she was at the Emmys and she gets her teeth whitened all the time. (This is obviously an example of celebrity culture’s love of building someone up so they can tear them down but that’s another post.) Michelle Duggar will never be at the Emmys. She doesn’t let her children watch TV or attend school with people other than their own siblings and the only way she would ever dance on television would be behind a modesty curtain or something. She will always be the slightly harried, somewhat pitiable mother-of-many.

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Who Okayed This? (TLC edition #1)

Michelle Duggar wears white, stays modest!

Michelle Duggar explores fashion, wears white, stays modest!

For my first edition of “Who Okayed This,” (a segment in which I try to comprehend the logic of people in high-powered decision making positions who make  stupid and inadvisable  decisions) I will attempt to tackle the monstrosity that is TLC. Did you know that “TLC’ is supposed to stand for “The Learning Channel”? I’m sure you did know that, but even still I am going to point out how stupid it is because I promise no one has ever learned anything from that channel except for maybe something about how a pointed shoe and a wide legged trouser are somehow supposed to look good together or about how there are more midgets (yes, yes… “little people,” I know) than you might imagine who are willing to have all the minutia of their lives documented for a reality television show.

So yes, this channel is supposed to be about learning, and I suppose, a few years back they still kind of pretended that’s what it was about. I spent about ten minutes (a long time to look for something on the internet!) trying to find the old theme song to “A Baby Story” on youtube. I was unsuccessful, and it was not supposed to illustrate anything about learning but more about how GHETTO that network was before Kate Gosselin and her disaster of a family made them bazillions of dollars. If anyone remembers it, then you know of what I speak. I think the final line of that theme song was “Years may come and go/ but there’s one thing I know/ love is all there is when I’m with you” and this song accompanied a decapitated pregnant lady stroking her stomach behind while wearing some weird pregnancy negligee all in the softest focus you’ve ever seen… I swear to god this woman had no borders to her skin.

But that was then, and I can’t even believe I’m NOSTALGIC for that garbage. But there is a good reason why this is the case, and that reason is TLC’s current line-up, which includes the following:

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