Tag Archives: fear

The Maddow Makeup Conundrum: America is Afraid of Lesbians

BIG CAVEAT: I am not talking about the way Rachel Maddow looks, my which I mean her actual face. I am talking about the way she is made to look on her popular MSNBC television program The Rachel Maddow Show. Because people talk too much about womens’ actual faces. So I just wanted to make that perfectly clear. 

I have a theory that America (or North America in general) is afraid of lesbians. I mean real lesbians. Not fake lesbians who make out with each other at Jack Astors for free Jagerbombs. America loves those lesbians. No people I’m talking actual human lesbians. (Now watch out because I’m about to go all Judith Butler on your ass.) More specifically lesbians who do not perform the traditional behaviours of femininity. These include but are not limited to the removal of most/all body hair, the wearing of makeup, the subjection of the self to inhumane torture devices (spanx/stilettos/starvation), vajazzling and the infuriating habit of pitching one’s voice approximately two octaves above its natural timbre.  This is how society wants women to be! And (feminism 101 here) if you do not adhere to this society punishes you! And in lots of original and creative ways too! This could range from charming young men on the streetcar calling you a dyke because of your failure to shave your legs recently enough for their liking, to the complete inability to buy pants because of  your woefully misshapen thighs.

(To those fellows on the streetcar: I would like to sincerely apologize for any distress the sight of my slightly hairy legs may have caused you. I hope it didn’t cause you to throw up your Taco Bell and Budweiser Light with Lime. And I certainly hope the thought of it was not the cause of any sexual dysfunction you experienced when trying to make sweet tender love to your fuck buddy that night. By way of reparation I would like to offer you each one punch in the face. Sincerely, Courtney) 

To illustrate my point, here is a picture of Rachel Maddow during a television appearance (not on her own show):

She is wearing some makeup, sure. When you go on TV they have to put some makeup on you or else you literally look like a dead person. Especially when it’s HD. Pore city!

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